don't tell me you don't know

all grown up

2008-04-29T20:46:00.001-07:00

I've started a new, more professional blog here. It will likely have less to do with my day to day adventures and more to do with my musings and opinions, but we'll see how it goes. See you over there!

2008-04-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

helloo blogger world, how are you?

I've been keeping busy - choir concerts this last weekend were a blast. I had some girls over for a party last week which was also lots of fun, plus I've been busy working, both for the lord and for the corporation. Ha. I'm hilarious, wouldn't you say?

Michelle is coming home in 9 days, which makes me very excited, plus this week I've got two bridal showers to attend for my beloved Lindsey, and some other prep to do for her big day.

I went on a little ticketmaster binge - R.E.M. with Modest Mouse, Oasis with Ryan Adams and the Cardinals, and Dave Matthew Band all in one week. My Visa is crying a little, but it'll be worth it.

Currently I am sitting here enjoying the tulips that Lisa gave me at a choir concert this weekend, and contemplating opening a Guinness. Guinness and MacBook makes me think of this blog, which gave me a chuckle today.

Don't mind me, I'm emergent.

mel gibson, eat your heart out

2008-03-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

It's funny when you come across a blog post that is four years old that you feel like you could have written two days ago. Check out Jenny Baker's post what women want.

I don't think I have ever been out of love

2008-03-18T23:46:00.000-07:00

These are the words spraypainted on a wall near the Commercial Drive Skytrain Station.

I can't decide whether to be enchanted or embittered.

2008-03-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

all I can do is yawn, yawn and yawn some more. why am I always so tired?

desire

2008-03-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

hello blogger world, it's been awhile.

I have taken a hiatus from blogging, largely because most of the things going on in my life have not seemed appropriate for the blogosphere, or I have been very busy.

My roommate remains far away, and has, in fact, extended her trip an extra month. I am stoked for her, and I'm glad she's having a fantastic time. Living here alone, however, is showing me why people typically do not live alone. When the shit hits the fan, and believe me, the shit has been hitting the fan, you want someone around. You need to feel like someone is pulling for you, even if they're not directly involved, especially, if they're not directly involved. Roommates are all well and good, but let's face it, that's not what I'm really talking about.

I desire so many things, and I seem to fear so many more. Sometimes I feel that I have so much to give, and others I feel so completely sabotaged by my own contempt and greed. What's that about? Shouldn't we just shed that sooner or later? Now would be a great time, as a matter of fact.

You know me. You know my way in.
You just can't show me, but God I'm praying,
That you'll find me, and that you'll see me,
That you run and never tire.
Desire

it takes two when it used to take only one

2008-02-19T16:00:00.000-08:00

I wish Ryan Adams was my boyfriend. Oh man.

From Me To You, On Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T16:42:00.001-08:00

...

Eff you, effers.

the curtain flutters

2008-02-11T22:58:00.000-08:00

Recently I began rereading L.M. Montgomery's Emily of New Moon. Most famous for her other fictional orphan, Anne of Green Gables, Montgomery's more autiobiographical creation, Emily, has never gotten the recognition she deserves. I love Emily, who sits in the attic of New Moon and writes and cries and imagines. She is so enchanted with everything around her, she feels everything so deeply and wants everything so earnestly. It occurs to me that I don't often think of myself as being that sort of person and yet there are moments when I'm so aware that I am exactly that way. (I'm really only reading the book because it was Emily that inspired me to write a letter, from myself at 14, to myself at 24, a birthday which is quickly approaching).

I am struck, this time around, by Montgomery's description of 'the flash':

It had always seemed to Emily, ever since she could remember, that she was very, very near to a world of wonderful beauty. Between it and herself hung only a thin curtain; she could never draw the curtain aside- but sometimes, just for a moment, a wind fluttered it and then it was as if she caught a glimpse of the enchanting realm beyond-only a glimpse-and heard a note of unearthly music.

It reminds me of the scene from American Beauty used in the neXus spoken liturgy. They are sitting, watching videotape of a bag dancing in the wind, and he says:

That was when I realized there is this entire life behind things…and this incredibly benevolent force who wants me to know there is no reason to be afraid…I need to remind myself of that. Sometimes there is so much beauty in the world...I feel like I can't take it.

Tonight I had coffee with a good friend who was showing me a book he had made of photographs from his time on the Isle of Iona, in Scotland. Iona is commonly described as a place where the line between heaven and earth grows thin, and you can believe it just by looking at the photographs. But there is more to it than the unbelievable view. Iona is a place where I feel like I spent an entire week seeing through the curtain, aware of the life behind things, of the grace of the benevolent force of God. Tears filled my eyes as I flipped the pages, and for a moment, the curtain fluttered, and once again I felt the swirling, stirring, intoxicating sense that there is so much. So much beauty, so much possibility, so much to embrace. It is a peek at things to come, and a remembrance of things gone by, and a sense of something other, and all that's left to do is enjoy the glow and the warmth.

Homebody

2008-02-07T20:03:00.000-08:00

The thing is, I just really really like being at home. This is a new sensation. Anyone who knew me in my teenage years will tell you that I was always out somewhere, with lots of people, doing crazy things. Even when the groups got smaller, Amelia and I used to drive to White Rock once a week, or into Vancouver, or somewhere.

Recently, however, I just really like being in my own home. I like looking at my nice things, keeping them clean and neat. I like watching TV or reading a book, drinking homemade London Fogs or fresh brewed coffee. I like having people over - Michelle's Goodbye Party was a blast, but I also am really enjoying just sitting here, all alone, with a good book and a cup of tea, eating fresh baking powder biscuits with jam.

I was out for like 5 hours today, and it just felt like too long. I have officially become a homebody.

home alone

2008-02-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

Oh Michelllllle, I'm going through your stuff and eating all your candy!

Early this morning Michelle, decked out in front and back with two blue backpacks, left with her dad for the airport. I drank a big glass of water, and went back to bed.

Now I'm up, cleaning almost every glass we own, reliving the events of last night's party, and watching the West Wing in my pajamas. Oh, and of course I'm eating Michelle's food, which is cool.

More later.

bad blogger, bad!

2008-01-21T23:24:00.001-08:00

It's true, 2008 has not seen much blogging on my part, and I deserve to be shamed.

I confess, the idea of broadcasting my thoughts and experiences to the general cyberworld holds less mystique than it once did, and yet whenever I read through past posts I am so glad that they exist. I am not ready to give up blogging just yet.

And so, you ask, what have the first three weeks of 2008 held for me?

More of the same, really. Working for the Corporation, hanging out at neXus, and watching a whole lot of The West Wing. A couple weeks ago my friend Nelson gave me a tip that Costco was selling seasons of TWW for $20 each. I drove directly there, bought two, and have since bought three more. What a great show.

Tonight is our second-to-last Margarita Monday before Michelle leaves for India and Nepal for 2+ months, which is exciting and a little sad for me at the same time. It's strange for me to realize how dependent I really am on our relationship. I typically think of myself as a very independent person, and I certainly don't mind doing things on my own or spending time alone. And yet I hate being the only person in my place at night. I hate going to bed without telling stories from my day, and hearing stories from someone else's day. I hate having to go out to find someone to watch a movie or eat dinner together. I may be comparably independent, but I am very much aware of my very human need to connect with others, to share my life with those around me, and to not go through life alone.

So, I have decided, while Michelle is away, to meet and marry the man of my dreams.

Get ready.

disclaimer...

2008-01-04T10:42:00.001-08:00

Reading over some of my earlier snapshots, I notice that I made several references to 'my old church', a church that I know many of you still attend.

As I reflect more on the experience of leaving there, coming back, and leaving again, I come to think of it as something of a break-up. Not a really bad one, just one where two people agree that they just aren't a good match anymore. Sometimes some hurtful things are said in parting. Certainly, you see things in a different light, and you start to see the ways they've wronged you over the whole relationship. The good things (and there are many, many) are still there, they just sort of take a back seat for a little while.

It doesn't mean they are bad, it doesn't even mean the relationship was bad, just that ending it has a sort of progression in and of itself.

Just because I didn't want you to think I was a hater, cause I'm not.

After a brief break...

2008-01-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

My New Years Eve was spent battling The Stomach Bug From Hell, and it was not pretty. Only today have I really recovered to point of doing anything beyond watching TV, and so I think I will finish my year in snapshots.

August - Xavier Rudd at The Salmon Arm Jazz and Blues Festival

Amanda was right to suggest this, it was a really great time. Good music and good friends under a big wide sky made for a perfect evening.

September - Drinking Wine with Michelle and Linds

It was the night before Linds was leaving for that fateful cruise, and she came over to make dinner with us. Somehow we went through three bottles by like 7pm, and it was pretty much a gong show after that. At one point, I turned to Linds and said "Linds, what if he proposes this weekend?!", to which she replied "Don't be stupid, Heather."

Well, who's laughing NOW? Oh yeah, still her. She is the one getting married, after all.

Regardless, it was a great night with my two best friends.

October - Joining A Gym

It probably seems odd to you that this would be among the most significant moments of 2007, but it really was a big deal. Without the excuse of homework to stop me, and with an (albeit, meagre) steady income, I decided it was time to make physical activity a regular part of my life. This was not a weight loss thing, although I recognized that weight loss would probably result from it, it was simply a decision to be a person who takes care of herself. The day I joined, I felt awful, like I had already failed and was going to continue to fail and make monthly payments to remind myself of how much I had failed. Very quickly, however, I began to really enjoy going to the gym, and a few months later I can safely say it's been one of the most empowering experiences in a long time.

November - Sean's Funeral

In November my friend and coworker at neXus lost his son in a tragic car accident. My heart broke for him and his family, and to be honest that whole week is a blur. Helping with funeral preparations and whatnot, I obviously hated every moment of it, and obviously just wanted so badly for it to not have happened. But there were a few moments that crystallized in that experience. Dave has said many times "it's this community that will get us through this", and it's true. I was so proud of my little church that week, and in the weeks after, as we have come together and been what I really think we're supposed to be. The other thing was that this feeling that if this has to be happening, this is where I want to be. I love my role in my church, because when stuff is happening, it is the best way I know how to help.

December - Valley Festival Singers Concerts

Okay, so they were a little cheesy, and we were really just 'the band' and not the main part of the show, but I love choral singing, I love being a part of something, and I love that we got to hang out with a few people from choir that weekend that we had never really gotten to know before. It was great!

So that was 2007, in a few varied snapshots. Bring on 2008!

A Year In Snapshots Continued...

2007-12-30T19:56:00.000-08:00

June: Busride to Oban

Nearing the end of our trip, we spent 4 hours on a bus, winding past locks and hills on the way to the coast of Scotland. After weeks of pretty much forgetting about life at home, I was beginning to contemplate what life would look like once our plane touched down in Vancouver. I was listening to Sheree Plett as I realized that the hurts and disappointments that had felt so fresh as I left two months before had somehow healed themselves without me noticing, and even now when I hear that album I'm transported back to that bus ride, and that feeling of relief, of gratitude, and of hope.

July: Meeting the neXus Staff

It was a Tuesday morning, and Quentin had asked me to come to staff meeting to meet with himself, Peg, and Dave to talk about what my role might become at neXus. I was excited and nervous, and I felt very, very tentative about anything I said. In hindsight, I can see how accustomed I had become to being condescended to in previous experiences. I suppose I expected the same from them, a sort of do your thing, but please don't bother us with your naive notions. Instead I found myself in conversation with people who, while not even totally sold on hiring me, were willing to consider me and my opinions and ideas as an equal, regardless of my age or experience level or even my gender.

I'm having a hard time coming up with a memory from August. Maybe tomorrow.

A Year In Snapshots

2007-12-30T12:28:00.000-08:00

I started out writing a big reflective essay, but instead decided to describe for you a few watershed moments that stick out to me in 2007.

January: Locking My Keys In My Car At Silverdale Gas Station

I was on my way to Maple Ridge to meet with the senior pastor of the church where I grew up, to discuss my potential involvement in their worship ministry now that their worship pastor, my former mentor, had resigned. Of course, when I stopped for gas, I managed to lock the keys in the car, and had to spend an hour sitting on a curb, staring at the trees, waiting for help to arrive. I felt full of hope and excitement; the idea of returning to that church was so safe, so easy to imagine. But I also knew that it was a long shot: I was aware that I really couldn't see past the safety and predictability of the idea. Somewhere deep down, as I waited for Michelle to arrive and save me, I think I already knew that whether I decided it or they did, my return to that church would be brief.

February: Valentine's Day Fondue

Having never been in a relationship on Valentine's Day, I have become something of an aficionado in coping with the holiday. This year I insisted Michelle come over and have chocolate fondue with Liz and me, and then we watched movies with minimal romantic content. It was just one of those moments where I though I'm glad things won't be like this forever, but for now this is pretty alright.

March: Singing with the Nelson Boschman Trio at Northwest Christian Education Conference in Seattle

It happened to be my 23rd birthday, and I got to stand on stage with some really great musicians and sing some really great songs with them, as well as a bunch of other people. It was just one of those moments, like a million others I've had, when I felt there's something in this, something I want to be a part of. It was great.

April: Graduation

Probably a moment that was more meaningful than graduation itself was the day after, when a friend invited a group over for lunch, and we ate and drank wine and laughed and talked about how proud we were of each other, and of all our hopes for the future. The world was full of possibilities that day, and I had good friends walking beside me.

May: On A Train Through Austria

We had left Venice late in the afternoon, ridden hours on a sticky hot train with the air conditioning broken, and finally we were sitting in an empty train car, speeding through the Austrian countryside. I was listening to Collective Soul, and suddenly the sun was just breaking over the mountain tops and there were these streams of light everywhere and it was unbelievable. It was absolutely perfect.

This is taking longer than I expected, but I've got to get some stuff, done so maybe I'll finish it later.

Bonhoeffer on Advent

2007-12-10T10:46:00.000-08:00

“God wants to always be with us, wherever we may be - in our sin, in our suffering and death. We are no longer alone; God is with us. We are no longer homeless; a bit of the eternal home itself has moved unto us. Therefore we adults can rejoice deeply within our hearts under the Christmas tree, perhaps much more than the children are able. We know that God's goodness will once again draw near. We think of all of God's goodness that came our way last year and sense something of this marvelous home. Jesus comes in judgment and grace: "Behold I stand at the door! Open wide the gates!" (Ps. 24:7)?

"With that we are faced with the shocking reality: Jesus stands at the door and knocks, in complete reality. He asks you for help in the form of a beggar, in the form of a ruined human being in torn clothing. He confronts you in every person that you meet. Christ walks on the earth as your neighbor as long as there are people. He walks on the earth as the one through whom God calls you, speaks to you and makes his demands. That is the greatest seriousness and the greatest blessedness of the Advent message. Christ stands at the door. He lives in the form of the person in our midst. Will you keep the door locked or open it to him?”

can you see the wise men living, loving quietly

2007-12-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

Ray Lamontagne's Till The Sun Turns Black is fantastic fare for watching snow fall, in case you're interested. It makes me laugh a little to realize how contemplative and profound I suddenly think myself when there's snow falling. Note to self: you are a dork.

Michelle and I watched The Lord of the Rings last week, and Sam's words at the end of The Two Towers have been rolling around in my head once again:

Sam: I know, it's all wrong. By right's we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the end go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for.

I showed that scene at a Vespers service last January, and when I looked it up to quote it here, I also found the benediction I used for that service:

As you walk along your journey

As you walk along your journey
may you open your eyes to those around you.

May you give freely of the blessings of God,
reaching out to the hurting and helpless,
your love extending to the last and least
as well as the first and important.

And as you encounter Christ,
may you ask questions from your heart,
learning from the perfect teacher,
listening to his complete wisdom,
following his example,
for eternal life.

Thus begins Advent, 2007.

Holy Crap I love this man.

2007-11-13T17:02:00.001-08:00

late night delerium

2007-11-07T13:21:00.000-08:00

I love Stephen Colbert.

I'm so sick that I hate my life.

Other things I love:

ThingsMyBoyfriendSays.com
The TV Show "Weeds"
Food in general, chocolate covered raisins in particular.
Websudoku.com
Hot Mugs of Tea.
Christmas Oranges.

Good Night.

a sad little story

2007-11-01T19:48:00.000-07:00

About a year ago, I discovered 'benediction guy', a guy in Texas who blogs the benedictions he writes for his college worship service. I used a number of his pieces, and read his blog pretty regularly for the rest of the year.

He's 25, working on his doctorate in engineering, is very into photography, and is interested in theology. Needless to say, I harbored a bit of a crush.

Today he blogged that he's engaged.

I hate my life.

2007-11-01T00:44:00.000-07:00

what the f? how did it get to be november?

for colette

2007-10-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

2007-10-22T17:51:00.001-07:00

I got a haircut today. Woohoo!

Movie Weekend

2007-10-14T00:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend Michelle and I have seen two movies: Across the Universe, and The Jane Austen Book Club. The first was fantastic, and we spoke excitedly and animatedly all the way home about our plans to buy the movie and the soundtrack, and how good looking Jim Sturgess really is.

Tonight we saw The Jane Austen Book Club, which was much much better than we expected. So good, in fact, that we felt we had no other choice than to come home, devour an entire bottle of wine, and watch Pride and Prejudice.

Oh, the self pity. Thank God for red wine.

2007-10-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

Too True, Kester

Electronics + Heather = Bad News

2007-10-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

I have a problem with handheld electronics. Cameras, phones, iPods - if it's a gadget that'll fit in your pocket, probably you don't want me near it. It's not that I'm not good at using them. I know my way around electronics pretty well. I can use it, but chances are, I will eventually break it. It's really only a matter of time

Here is a list of gadgets I have broken in the last few years:

- Motorola T720 flip phone: In a moment of anger I tossed it across my living room, shattering the screen on the flippy part. This hampered my ability to screen calls, and caused me to be the subject of much mockery for the remaining year and a half that I owned it.

- DiMage 2MP Digital Camera: My parents gave it to me for Christmas one year, and I got about a year's use out of it before I threw it in my purse without a case. Something happened to the lens and it never worked again.

- 1st generation 5GB iPod: I bought this off my brother a few summers back, but it would always freeze up and stop working after a few minutes. I sold it to my mom, who doesn't seem to have the same problem with it.

- Nikon CoolPix Camera: Many of you are familiar with the story of my latest camera. I received it as a grad gift on a Saturday, left for Europe on the Tuesday, dropped it on the cobblestone outside Versailles on the Friday. It was useless to me for the rest of the trip, although it has since been fixed. Don't worry, I'm very careful to put it in the case before putting it in my purse.

- 4th generation 30 GB iPod Photo: My brother managed to break the screen on this one, but it still worked so he gave it to me when his girlfriend bought him a new one. It was great to have in Europe, and I have used it quite a lot since then as well, but last week I managed to drop it on the sidewalk. It worked fine for a couple of hours, but then froze up and despite many efforts, I have not been able to get it to work since.

- Sony Ericsson W810i Walkman Camera Phone: This baby has a 2 MP camera and 1 GB of MP3 storage (rendered useless by my purchase of a MacBook, of course), and was my not-so-secret pride and joy for the 13 months since I purchased it. Monday night I was walking to choir when I realized my water bottle had exploded in my bag, and my precious phone was sitting in a puddle of water. I can turn it on to make a call a couple of times before having to charge it, but it only stays on for about 3 minutes before turning itself off again. It's simply going to have to be replaced.

Anyone have an old Rogers phone they don't need anymore? I just don't even want to bother buying a new one.

I'm such a loserface.

Sunday Morning

2007-09-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

One thing I love about my life is the ability to enjoy a relaxed and stress-free Sunday morning. This morning, for example, I got up around 9:30, made some coffee, and brought my laptop out here to my deck, where I can sit, enjoy the sunshine and ponder the events of last night. Not that anything crazy happened. Our housewarming party was decidedly low-key. But several hundred kilometres away, on a cruise ship outside of Seattle, something significant happened, which of course would not be my place to announce to cyber world. Come to think of it, most of the blogger constituency was on that cruise ship, so whatever to you.

My point is, though, that Sunday night church is awesome, because I get to sit here, waiting and wishing in the morning sunshine.

Winds of change indeed, Mike.

Since It's Been Awhile

2007-09-17T10:28:00.000-07:00

I got hired at Starbucks, which is nice, although I don't start for another two weeks. What can you do?

Stuff at neXus has been going well - I really like my coworkers and I'm so excited for the stuff we've got planned for this fall. Yay!

Uhhh... Valley Festival Singers! I'm singing with them this year, which I didn't get to do last year, and I am definitely loving it. (Notice the person singing behind the soloist on the webpage - it's me, with a great hair colour!) I didn't realize how much I missed choral singing. I've been singing and playing a lot more in general in the last week or so, which I had sort of not done all summer, and I'm really glad to be enjoying that again. I miss having a piano though.

Since I've only been working a couple days a week, I've been doing some more reading. The other day I finished Mitch Albom's Tuesdays With Morrie. It was sort of nice, but nothing that seemed particularly new or remarkable. Before that I read JPod by my current favourite, Douglas Coupland. Oh man, that guy is hilarious. I will never look at Ronald McDonald (or McDonald's food in general. Or Coca-Cola. Or turtles.) the same way again. I'm a fan.

TV season starts this week! Judge all you want, but there is some great television out there, and since I don't even have to feel guity about homework this year, I'm going to enjoy lots of it! Yay for me!

And this is my new, non-school life. Woot.

asbojesus

2007-09-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

"if you're camping, be careful nothin' comes up and bites you in the ass!"

2007-09-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

- a quote from Dave last night, after commenting that he guessed we hadn't all come from Moses Lake.

It is becoming an annual tradition to finish summer by going down to the Gorge Amphitheatre to see Dave Matthews Band. This year, Michelle and I weren't sure we'd be able to swing it, funds being low and all, but at the last minute we just decided to go for it.

We left home at about 10:30 Thursday morning, and after a Starbucks visit, got in line at the border. It was backed up to Costco. And it crawled. And it crawled. And somtimes we just sat there for a long time. Luckily we had some masking tape along, so we passed the time by informing everyone of how cool we really are.

We didn't get across until 1:00, which meant we didn't get to Seattle until 3:00. We grabbed some espresso at Vivace, the supposed birthplace of latte art, and then headed to REI so Michelle could return a shirt and buy some stuff that was on sale. By now it was rush hour out of the city, so we decided to grab some dinner and wander around a little before carrying on, and we had some great Indian food.

By 8:00 we were back on the road, meaning we were expecting to get to Vantage Campground around 10:00. But half way there, traffic ground to a halt. Over the next couple hours, we only managed to move about 15 miles. There was an accident. And then there was roadwork. And I hated my life.

We finally rolled into Vantage at 1:00, fully 14 hours after leaving home, and probably 6 hours later than we should have. The campground, which is basically a big field that fills up when there are concerts at the Gorge, was not terribly full that night, but there were some parties underway, including one where some guy had rented a truck that had a generator hooked up to a big screen TV and a big stereo system. It was pretty intense. We had a good time.

In the morning we needed Starbucks and greasy McDonald's food in a big way, and as Vantage consists of no more than a couple gas stations and a campground, we had to go back to Ellensburg. We also went to the grocery store and bought an 18" pizza for $9.99. It was enough for 4 meals each!

Back at the campsite, we read and hung out with other Dave fans, before hitching a ride to the show with some of our new friends.

We got a great spot and met some more people before the show started. Dave, as usual, was great, and really, there's nothing like having a big sing along to "Grey Street" with 20,000 people.

After hanging out with people all day, we felt that we had filled our party quota, and went to bed pretty much as soon as we got back to the campsite. This morning we got up, cleaned up and got on the road before 8:00, and were at the border before noon. Unfortunately it took almost an hour to get across again, but still, our time was significantly better than on the way down.

All in all, a pretty great little trip!

bloggity-blog

2007-08-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

Somehow this week has gone by at an alarming rate, and here we are at Friday.

Monday I began the task of moving all my junk into Michelle's apartment. I'm not finished yet, but man does it feel good to be unpacking these boxes that have been sitting around at my parents' house for months.

Also on Monday I went for an interview at CBC for a job that I really wanted, and this morning found out that I did not get. I'm pretty bummed about it, but I've already begun pursuing other options. At this point these options seem less interesting, and probably pay less, but maybe something cool will turn up.

Summer is ending and real life is starting to hit - a kind of real life that I have not faced before. The kind of real life where rent is due and you can't just sit back and let your student loan take care of it, and where paying those loans back is also a factor. Right now, hot on the heels of a disappointing rejection, I'm feeling sort of sad about it, but I know that soon I'll perk up and find something else to set my heart on, and things will be okay.

xavier rudd

2007-08-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

good times

update

2007-08-16T23:18:00.000-07:00

I know there are pictures of the kayaking trip somewhere. But I don't have them. Basically they involve yellow kayaks, ocean, and some un-flattering shots of me in my long johns and thai pants, cooking things. Woot.

I've been feeling sort of evasive this week. I don't know if it's simply because I'm knee deep in dvds of The West Wing or if I'm using that as an excuse to ignore the rest of the world when some other reason is actually to blame, but there it is. Also I've been feeling quite tired and headache-y, so maybe that's why. Whatever the reason, if we had plans in the last couple of days and I simply neglected to answer my phone, I'm sorry, please don't take it personally. I don't actually think any of those people read my blog, but whatever.

This weekend I'm going to Kamloops to see Amanda, and then next week I'm moving to Abbotsford. Should be good!

BC Day Long Weekend

2007-08-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

Friday - Mike's Birthday party. We drank sangria and played "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". This is a couples' game, but as I am single, we invented a fake boyfriend for me. His name was very nearly "Hot Rod", but somehow it ended up being "Tad" instead. Later we had a campfire.

Saturday - Wandered Commercial Drive with Adam, drank cappuccino at JJ Bean, and watched the Bourne Ultimatum. Afterwards we went to see the Grand Finale of the Celebration of Light, where we ran into Cory and his girlfriend Bethany, whom I had never met before, and is very cool. The fireworks were fantastic, and I quite enjoyed the post-fireworks tradition of walking up the middle of Denman and Robson.

Sunday - Slept till noon, cleaned my car, perused the new IKEA catalogue, went to pick up my sister from the airport. GM Restaurant (fantastic Indian food in Maple Ridge) for dinner with the fam, followed by more sangria, some singing & interpretive dancing with Linds, and watching Old School with Mike, Linds, et al.

Monday - Cleaned my room, went to Commercial Drive with my sister, who had never been there before. Ate some *fantastic* Ethiopian food for dinner. Watched Pride and Prejudice after planning a kayaking trip with my dad.

Did I mention here that I got a job? Because I did. I'm pretty stoked about it.

Next time: pics & anecdotes from a kayaking trip with Dad.

subscribe now!

2007-08-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

Two magazines came to my parents' mailbox today. Guess: which one is mine, and which one is my sister's?

the black hole

2007-07-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

I wrote a summary of my week, to show you how lame my life is, but decided I would spare you. Here are some positive things:

The fireworks have been fantastic this year!

I've been reading some good books!

I've been cooking some great food!

I'm about to break down and go rent a season of some show, much like I did last summer. I can feel it coming. Any suggestions?

2007-07-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do"

- Georgia O'Keeffe

end of an era

2007-07-22T13:32:00.000-07:00

My family is all about the epic stories. Star Wars? We own all six episodes. The Lord of The Rings? yes, theatrical versions as well as extended editions. Harry Potter? 2-disc special editions, all the way through. The Jason Bourne series, Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek; if they made more than one, we probably own them all. We also own like 6 seasons of The Simpsons. Mike H pointed out to me the other day that we don't have Indiana Jones, and I acknowledge that this is a bit of a point of shame. But my mom thinks they're too cheesy.

We became Harry Potter book fans shortly after the release of the third book, right on the front end of the wave that was about to splash into North America. We bought Books 4, 5 and 6 at midnight on their release dates, and have sat around, two parents and three teenaged and twenty-something kids, reading aloud to one another, because we couldn't agree who should get to read the book first.

We decided to try ordering Book 7 online, but I guess I chose the wrong delivery method or something, because when I impatiently checked my shipping status yesterday around noon, it said the book would be delivered Monday. Well, clearly that was unacceptable. I got in my car and drove to Chapters.

I started reading by about 2:30, took a short break to eat dinner, and a longer one to give my brother girl advice, but mostly I read straight through the evening and into the night. It was an intense time. At one point I gave a shout of frustration/fear and put the book down to go to the bathroom, and my mom asked me "is it getting too hot and heavy for you, Heather?" I told her that her statement had connotations that I suspected she had not intended, and she went back to re-reading Book 6, laughing sheepishly.

I didn't look at the clock when I finally finished, sometime in the night, but I definitely heard some birds starting to chirp, and there may have been a bit of light in the sky. Good thing I don't have a job.

I'm happy with the way J.K. Rowling ended it, but man am I depressed that it's over. Now what the heck is there to look forward to in life?

good news!

2007-07-18T12:17:00.001-07:00

In the month (seriously, tomorrow it'll be a whole month) since I got home from my trip, I have been driving my sister's car, because she went to Quebec and left it insured here at home. However, today as I was heading to Abbotsford to see several friends, the check engine light came on, and I was forced to turn around and return home. I always feel like the whole car is about to explode and there will be nothing left of me when the check engine light comes on. It's a stressful time.

The bright side, however, is that this forces me to re-insure my own darling of a car. Nobody likes spending that kind of money, let's be honest, but I dearly love my own little car, and I'm excited to be reunited with it once more!

Hooray!

my last post was lame, and this one will be too.

2007-07-15T22:05:00.000-07:00

Crap, this is why I didn't start blogging for so long after I got home. There's just not enough going on for me to have amusing anecdotes to share on a semi-regular basis.

Today I went to church for the first time in three months. Well, other than Taize and Iona, but those were not church in the way that I mean them. You know, North American evangelical church. The kind of church I grew up in (well, technically, it was the church I grew up in).

Turns out, three months is a long time to go without any powerpoint images or musical decisions or weird sermon anecdotes to criticize, and today I did what I could to make up for lost time.

Also, it was nice to see some dear friends.

Tomorrow I was hoping to go see Tegan and Sara, but since they're sold out, I'm going to see the Cary Brothers instead. Oh well.

yard work

2007-07-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

I just mowed the lawn for the first time in probably 10 years. I remember it being more backbreaking than it was today, probably because the last time I did it we had a manual push mower, unlike the snazzy electric one we have now.

Not a bad way to make a buck. Or in this case, 20.

I love living with my parents.

...and I'm back

2007-07-10T15:11:00.000-07:00

Today is the three week anniversary of my return to Canada. How sad.

I celebrated by spending the entire morning working on my resume with my good friend Karin. She's amazing at these things. That's probably why it's her job.

After that I took my picnic lunch (leftover Red Potato Salad with bacon, a Fruitopia, and some raspberry yogurt) to Mill Lake, where I sat in the shade (thankfully) and enjoyed the deep blue of the water, and the slight breeze that almost made the heat bearable.

Now I'm sitting in Ethical Addictions, after putting some more work in on my resume, and reading the July issue of Vanity Fair - the first ever issue about Africa, and guest edited by Bono. So far, I am loving it. Perhaps I'll continue reading it, or perhaps I'll switch back to the book I've been reading about free trade. Several people have remarked to me recently that I'm a hippie.

Well, I am wearing my thai pants.

More to come, as my exciting (read:boring and lame) life continues.

taking a break...

2007-04-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

...from this blog. while michelle and I are in europe we're doing a joint blog at Heather and Michelle Do Europe. It's possible that I'll still post here from time to time, if I have reflections that don't seem in keeping with the theme of the other blog, but I don't know.

Hopefully my many fans will not lose interest during my absence. Ha.

2007-04-23T13:36:00.000-07:00

I graduated on Saturday. It was really fun. I felt pretty happy, and pretty blown away by the last four years. For those of you who don't know, this is a picture of me with Tony and Nelson, the guys that got me here. They rock.

Today we are doing last minute stuff for our trip, and I realized an hour ago that my softshell has been absconded to the island. I'm somewhat stressed about that, seeing as it is the most versatile and convenient of jackets. I'm not feeling too good about it at all, actually.

Oh well, come hell or high water, I'm getting on a plane in 18 hours.

tales from the ghetto IX

2007-04-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

Episode 9: Pizza

In the ghetto, late nights of studying or TV watching sometimes call for a visit to buck-a-slice, the local super-sketchy pizza place.

Tonight Michelle and I went there just as it was closing, and the guy told us we could have the rest of the slices for a deal. Now we have eaten almost half a pizza and have about a pizza and a half left for lunch tomorrow. I love the ghetto!

it started out just like any other sunday...

2007-04-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

got up. checked facebook. made fun of liz. went to church. went for sushi with dan and natalie.

It was over sushi that natalie received a phone call from our friend Adam. Apparently he had realized that he was no longer able to accompany Dan and Natalie to Portland this week. Apparently, Portland is home to North America's largest used book store, Powells books. We're talking 5 warehouses full of used books. So of course, my geeky friends had been planning a roadtrip this week to look for a copy of the septuagent. Now they were all mopey and sad because they weren't going to go. Well, I thought, I love a good roadtrip, and I don't have any exams until Tuesday.

"Wanna go to Portland?"

"Okay"

That was about 1:30 this afternoon.

Nine hours later, I'm sitting in Portland, enjoying a glass of Rosemount Estates Shiraz (it's much more affordable in the States, you see).

vespers '06-'07

2007-04-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

thanks for walking with me.

remember that time...

2007-04-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

When Michelle and I decided at 9:00 at night to watch the 6-hour long BBC Pride and Prejudice? And how I still had to go home after and spend another hour on a paper? And then hand it in at my 8:00 class? And instead of getting coffee after that class I hung out in the student lounge until it was too close to my next class to get coffee?

Yeah, that was great.

Oh college days, how sweet you were.

2007-04-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

"you gotta... you just gotta get on the Jesus train!"

Derrick Tapper,
Burnett Fellowship
Good Friday Service, 2007.

There were some other gooders too, but this is the only one I remember. I'm pretty sure I couldn't even keep a straight face standing behind him as he closed the service.

Next year I'm going to a Tennebrae service.

2007-04-04T10:38:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I was going to Australia and I was totally disorganized and had to turn back on the way to the airport because I had forgotten my passport and I was not ready to go at all.

I think maybe I've been talking about Europe a lot but not doing much to make sure I'm ready.

between me and europe

assignments: 5
exams: 1
classes: 10
vespers to plan and lead: 1
church services to lead: 4
worship practices: 5
choir performances: 2

also I need to get ready for grad, several year end parties, and move all my stuff out of here before I can think about getting ready for europe.

20 days. only 20 days.

Past Lives

2007-04-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

Right now, while organizing a huge stack of paper that needed some attention, I'm watching a show about the Jewish Research Initiative, headed up by a man who started out to do some research about his own genealogy and found that the records for Jews from Poland were deplorable. He started this project to index thousands or maybe millions of fragmented records, so that Polish Jews can look up their original town and family name and find all sorts of information about their family background. Sixty years later, people are hailing this as a miracle because they are still finding out who lived and who died in the Holocaust. This guy is actively participating in bringing healing and in some cases reuniting families that were destroyed two generations ago. It's pretty cool.

2007-03-30T13:04:00.000-07:00

Photos of the weekend.

seattle birthday adventure

2007-03-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

How much should I not be doing this right now? A lot. There are a lot of things I should be doing instead. Apparently 23 is not the year I get my act together.

This is long, so I bolded the highlights for you skimmers.

The adventure started as we pulled away from the border crossing and I began to roll up my window. It was about three quarters of the way up when something snapped, and it stopped rolling up. It was raining. I was driving. Soon I was wet.

We stopped at a really sketchy looking auto glass place and asked the guy to just make it close, I would get it properly fixed when I was back in Canada. He taped the window to the frame and we were off. It held for about an hour. Then it started slowly slipping down, and I had to reach over and yank the whole thing up every now and then. It was awesome.

We arrived in Redmond by about 2:00 and decided to go check out the church where I would be singing the next morning. It was huge. Definitely a very very large church. Definitely I've never been in quite that big a church. Definitely I wish there were vending kiosks for espresso and snacks and such in my church. Maybe not. But anyway, we wandered into the auditorium which does in fact seat 5,400 people, looked at each other and burst out laughing, and then decided to wander around some more. We went upstairs and found the CBC booth, complete with yearbook that the two of us made, and promptly opened it to the page with the big picture of the two of us. The guy at the next booth seemed to think that was pretty funny.

At one point we were wandering around making fun of all the shiny plastic over-marketed Christian resources, and Michelle's voice got kind of loud, so I pointed out to her that we didn't want to offend anyone, to which she replied "yeah, it's funny, I forget that for some people this is the SHIT." Possibly some heads turned. Possibly my face was a little red. Possibly I'm still laughing now.

We randomly found Nelson, who was just finishing the first half of his film, faith and culture workshop, chatted with him, and found out how to reach him at the hotel. By now it was 3:00, so we went and checked in at the hotel, and then headed into Seattle to have dinner with my cousin. We got to meet his dog, see his place, admire his DVD collection and most of all, his new Audi A6. It's a hot car, I won't lie, and I really can't blame him for calling it the pimpmobile. Sparky took us to a great sushi place for dinner, but not before allowing us to accompany him to the Mac Store to buy the released-that-day AppleTV. I made fun of him for that a little, but I still thought it was pretty fun when we went back to his place and set it up.

We headed back to the hotel pretty early, so we went and knocked on Nelson and Kenton's door and invited them out for coffee. At this point we had opportunity to see that instead of watching movies on the TV in the hotel room, they had set up the LCD projector Nelson had brought for his sessions, and carefully tied a sheet around the TV centre. "You did that instead of building a fort didn't you?" was Michelle's comment.

Coffee was fun, but we had to get up early, so we headed back by 10.

Michelle and I were sharing a king-size bed, and as we sat and watched TV I commented to her that I felt like we were in the poster for the movie The Breakup, since we were so far apart and everything. This led to a twenty-minute saga of trying to stage a photograph of it, and I think it turned out rather well. I'll post it when I get it, I promise.

Just before midnight I was almost totally asleep when suddenly I was struck by the fact that I was turning 23 the next day. In my half-asleep stupor, that suddenly seemed very old, and very dramatic.

"Michelle, are you awake?"

"Kind of." (grunting)

"My mom got married at 23."

"Shut up."

By now I was awake enough to realize how stupid this moment was, and laughed at myself for awhile before going back to sleep.

5:30 came hella quickly, but I was excited, so it was only mildly painful. Despite our early rising, we still managed to be five minutes late for our 6:45 soundcheck, but they were still messing with instruments, so I don't think anyone really minded. Nelson sang Happy Birthday as I walked in, which was nice, because in the stress of being late I had pretty much forgotten.

Then we played. It was fun. They had video cameras and big screens, and Michelle later told me that her inner monologue included "Heather's on Jumbovision!" I actually think I walked in front of Nelson when he was on jumbovision, which probably ticked off someone who's in charge of that sort of stuff. Oh well. I'm from small-town Canada, and video cameras have never before been a consideration for me when leading worship.

After the session, we went to Nelson's jazz and worship workshop, which is always an enjoyable experience. It was great to see so many people visibly excited about what he was saying, although I must admit I felt mildly resentful that my entire four year degree could be summed up in a 55-minute workshop. Not really, but kind of.

Afterwards, we said goodbye, and headed to Pike Place, where we spent most of the afternoon wandering around. I bought a scarf that was made in Nepal, but we did not manage to find sweet sweet leather bound journals we wanted. Then we went to REI. For the uninformed, REI is the American version of MEC, but it is far, far better. I purchased a new purse (Happy Birthday to me!) and some quick-dry clothes for Europe. Michelle also did. We spent a lot of money. So much money, in fact, that we had to pay $50 duty coming back over the border. That sucked.

Leaving the parkade, I got a little overconfident about sliding my window up and down manually, and managed to push it right down into the door. That sucked. Especially when we had to drive back home for three hours in the light rain, with the heat blasting on our feet, still freezing.

"Hey Michelle, remember that time I was warm?"

"Yeah, that was awesome"

We got to Abbotsford around 8, and promptly headed over to House of James, where Kenton, who had played drums with us that morning had invited us to come see him play with Badgentina and Sheree Plett. It was a great show, and the nachos and sangria that we consumed at Lou's afterwards were also great.

All in all, a pretty great way to spend my birthday weekend.

tales from the ghetto VIII

2007-03-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

Episode 8: Laundry

In the ghetto, laundry costs a loonie for a washer and a loonie for a dryer. This month, Liz paid me rent in 50 dollar bills, so that is all I had today when I wanted loonies with which to do laundry.

Being ever resilient in the face of challenges, I took my fifty to the store, purchased two new CDs, and got the change in loonies.

That is how one makes enough change to do laundry.

2007-03-16T00:19:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking about moving to Vancouver and checking out the urban church scene. I'll take classes at Regent and hang out at English Bay and eat really good sushi all the time.

It'll be sweet.

preach it, sista

2007-03-12T12:48:00.001-07:00

This morning I gave a sermon in my preaching class. As far as I can remember, I've never seen a woman preach before. It's not really a big deal, I'm not a person that thinks that God speaks through a sermon in a particular way that He can't or won't through some other medium. Nonetheless, I have grown up in and remain part of a culture that puts 'preaching' (as opposed to teaching or sharing, I guess) on a particular pedestal, and so today I tried my hand at it.

I spoke too quickly, not because I usually get nervous speaking in front of people, but because I felt unsure about what I had prepared. It turned out to be a good tactic, because when it came time to give critiques, they were more concerned with the fact that I spoke too fast than any inadequacies of what I actually said.

There are other ways in which I am interested in interacting with God's Word to his people more than preaching, but preaching is pretty alright too.

I'm glad I get to give it at least one more shot.

um, whoa

2007-03-05T12:40:00.000-08:00

Gwen Stefani apparently does a Sound of Music video "with a beat". Maybe that's what Michelle and I should listen to as we bike around Salzburg on our Sister Maria bicycle tour.

I'll let you know how it goes.

balancing act

2007-03-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

Today on the drive from Abbotsford to Maple Ridge, I wasn't feeling super excited about coming to church, with all of the emotional baggage it holds for me right now and everything. On the drive I was listening to my newly purchased copy Brian Doerksen's Holy God, because I heard the title track played by a worship team at school and thought it might be worth looking into a little further.

It's very... well, very Brian Doerksen, for what that's worth. Somehow, though, amidst all the of the crazy drum fills and slightly cheesy electric guitar lines, I was able to experience the heart of it, and it was a blessing to me. I think of worship so often from a facilitator's point of view: how can I serve to give opportunity to the people to voice their praises to God? It's good to be reminded that I do this as much for the sake of worshipping God myself as for the people with whom I'm serving. Probably keeping that balance is the real trick to ministry.

I keep blogging in these reflective, resigned moods, and so you should all know that while I'm a little overwhelmed (and overcommitted) these days, I'm doing alright. Probably my overcommitment would be less apparent if I rented less Prison Break and did more homework on a Friday night, but Wentworth Miller is just so dreamy.

And that's that.

2007-02-26T22:37:00.000-08:00

sometimes encouragement is the most discouraging thing you can receive.

sometimes I really think the whole thing would make a lot more sense if everyone would just tell me I sucked at this stuff and should quit now.

but then, sometimes I realize how much God might be doing that I don't even know about.

so I wait, and hope that the right things won't pass me by.

some days it's just harder than others.

tales from the ghetto VII

2007-02-24T13:15:00.000-08:00

Episode 7: Silverfish

Silverfish. In the cupboard.

*shudder*

too much

2007-02-20T10:47:00.000-08:00

I spent most of my weekend thinking about how, in just over two months, I will be sitting on a train listening to my iPod, watching French countryside fly by. Every aspect of my life right now is really great, but I feel like I just don't have enough time to process everything that's going on, and to be honest, I'm finding it quite exhausting.

I'm looking forward to a couple of months where I can reflect and write and think without time limits, without the nagging feeling that in a few minutes I need to flip the page and start trying to turn my thoughts into a paper or a worship service or a resume.

63 days friends. Only 63 days.

things I learned this week

2007-02-16T00:10:00.000-08:00

1. pride and prejudice is even better on my new TV.

2. people that make their interesting blogs invite-only are lame.

3. going from never playing guitar to playing 6-10 hours a week can be painful (but fun).

4. liz likes to hold a marshmallow to the top of a bottle of bailey's and turn it like it's a cotton swab. it makes me laugh.

5. chocolate fondue is amazing. especially with bailey's in it.

tales from the ghetto VI

2007-02-13T12:25:00.000-08:00

Episode 6: TV

In the ghetto, we have two televisions. One is old, has poor picture quality, and does not have a remote control. However, the other takes 20 minutes to warm up before you get any picture at all.

For most of the year we have used the one without the remote, and had many good-natured arguments about who should get off the couch and change the channel every hour.

When Liz's computer speakers stopped working, I talked her into buying a dvd player instead of replacing them. When she got it home, however, she realized that the tv did not have the proper hookups for a dvd player, and so plugged it into the tv that takes time to warm up.

Fortunately, when we are watching dvds, the tv works as soon as we turn it on. When we want to watch tv, though, we need to plan ahead. Especially for half hour shows like Friends. You can miss the whole episode if you're not careful.

If you hang out at our place long enough, you're bound to hear "hey, it's twenty-to, start warming up the tv!"

Update: I wrote this post as a draft on Thursday of last week, and over the weekend I went to visit my friend R and her hubby, and commented on their fancy new big screen TV. I then launched into the tale of woe about my own TVs, to which they responded "take our old TV!" So I did. Now I have a nice big TV that turns on with a remote, with no wait time. I love charity! Thanks again, R!

tales from the ghetto V

2007-02-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

Episode 5: Marching Band

In the ghetto, sometimes random marching bands go past our place. Like right now. Is there an event on February 10 that would require a marching band to parade around Abbotsford?

Nobody knows.

tales from the ghetto IV

2007-02-10T10:44:00.000-08:00

Episode 4: Plunger

In the ghetto, we do not have one. Here is what happens instead:

Please note: These scenes contain some course language, and also some shrieking. Viewer discretion is advised.

"it's sideways!!"

"let me in liz"

2007-02-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

we interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for the following announcement:

benediction writing, deep thinking, talented photographing, phd getting blog boy from texas also plays guitar.

I hate my life.

tales from the ghetto III

2007-02-09T23:23:00.000-08:00

Episode 3: Condiments

In the ghetto, we don't spend money on condiments. We take home 'extra' ones from the school cafeteria.

There's mayonnaise in there from September.

tales from the ghetto II

2007-02-08T19:38:00.000-08:00

Episode 2: Making Pasta.

In the ghetto, we did not always own a pot big enough to make pasta. So, in the old days, we would boil water in the kettle, pour it into our rice cooker, and keep resetting it to 'cook' until the pasta was done. The pasta was never very good, but at least it was cooked.

We did, in fact, purchase a pot in which we can now make pasta properly.

tales from the ghetto

2007-02-07T19:25:00.000-08:00

This series was Nelson's idea, and I think that it'll be a hit.

Episode 1: Art

In the ghetto, we have a piece of art that Liz got from IKEA for like $9. It's probably about a metre tall and a metre and a half wide. It sat on the floor, against the wall in the dining room until mid-december, when our Christmas Dinner inspired us to try hanging it. Liz got out a drill and some screws and a level, and went about hanging it. Unfortunately, Liz is much better with glue and sprinkles than with drill and screws (haha), and she managed to hang it so that the left side sits about an inch, maybe an inch and a half, lower than the right side.

We left it that way.

More to come...

by popular demand

2007-02-04T22:11:00.000-08:00

Sorry I'm late. I don't know how it got to be Sunday all of a sudden.

Apparently #2 was the winner.

So, in case you’re only interested in the definitions, according to Conservative Futurist, here you are:

BLOG STREAKING: "Revealing secrets or personal information online which for everybody's sake would be best kept private."
GOOGLE-STALKING: Defined as "snooping online on old friends, colleagues or first dates."

I have been thinking about the ramifications of blog streaking ever since if not now then when . It was about then that I became familiar with the term, (although as far as I know, the two events were not related) and I no doubt wondered whether that post was an instance of blog streaking. There was nothing in that blog that I wouldn’t be willing to share with any individual friend or even acquaintance, but I did (and still do) wonder whether it was somehow inappropriate to broadcast such musings for all of the cyber-community to see.

How personal is too personal? What subjects are really taboo? I was thinking the other day of posting some reflections on shopping in plus-size stores, but decided against it because I wasn’t sure how that would come off. I wouldn’t want to be accused of seeking pity or attention, and yet it seems absurd to me that it is so awkward to talk about weight and self-image questions, even to my closest friends. Heaven forbid we should acknowledge that someone isn’t movie-star skinny, right? No one would know how to respond.

I think that might be why there is such widespread and enthusiastic response to PostSecret, a fascinating mixture of tragedy, artistry, and anonymity. I check the site faithfully each week to see the new posts, and the other day I spent a long time at Chapters paging through the published works from the site. How wonderful to sit with such raw humanity, to know that our own fears and regrets are not unique. How odd that we need to sit in front of our computer and reflect on the sometimes shocking confessions of total strangers in order to feel as though we are not alone. How strange that we can feel closer to someone who reveals a piece of themselves in cyber-world than to the person in the next room.

As an avid blogstalker (slightly distinct from the previously defined "google-stalker"), there are several blogs that I read regularly, without ever having acknowledged to their authors that I do so. There are another couple blogs that I regularly read whose authors I have never met, and of course, there is always the infamous internet crush, the man whose poetry I found through a google search and who, other than the fact that he lives in texas, seems to be pretty much perfect for me. At least, that’s what his blog seems to indicate. Who knows, he could be a jerk in real life. Either way, I know more about his reflections and spiritual journey than I know about most of the people I speak to in a given day.

Recently I have become aware that a surprising amount of my inner monologue takes the form of a potential blog entry. I think this has something to do with the passive nature of blogs. If you don’t like what I write, you don’t need to acknowledge that you read it, unlike real conversation, where you are forced to respond somehow. I guess I sometimes want to post personal things in order to express them without risking rejection. But I don’t think isolated PostSecret type expression is what we’re actually craving. What we really need is interaction, community, the kind that has eye contact and body language and maybe a really good hug.

I love looking back on blog entries about funny adventures I have had, or even ones where I shared something cool I was reading, and I certainly love reading the reflections and adventures of others, but heaven forbid that my blog should ever take the place of a cup of coffee and some comfy Starbucks chairs, or maybe a late night drive to White Rock. For me, that is where real friendship happens. For me, that is where I am, in the truest sense, known.

first ever reader poll

2007-01-29T14:06:00.000-08:00

In response to the recent decline in reader comments on my posts, I have decided to put the power in the hands of the people, and allow you to vote on the subject of my next post. Am I this desperate to be liked and affirmed? Maybe. But mostly, I just thought it would be interesting to see what the results were.

Would you prefer to read about:

1. The contents of my refrigerator and my own musings as to possible combinations of the random and meagre offerings.

2. My thoughts on blogstalking, blogstreaking, and my own experience of human isolation in the age of the Global Village.

or

3. What I did this weekend.

Polls will likely be closed sometime Wednesday, but I reserve the right to close them earlier or later as I have time.

Happy voting!

mmm, reality

2007-01-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

fact: sometimes you sit at home on a Saturday night working hard to finish reading a textbook for Monday morning, and suddenly come to the realization that all your closest friends are out with significant others or potential significant others while you're at home, alone, reading about a subject you don't particularly care for. At times like this, it is very easy to wonder what the hell is wrong with you.

facts of life

2007-01-24T21:25:00.000-08:00

fact: Today I locked my keys in my car at Silverdale gas station. Halfway between Abbotsford and Maple Ridge. I rule. Michelle and Liz, who actually do rule, combined superhero forces to execute my rescue. I am very much indebted.

fact: Liz and I have consumed exactly 2kg of McCain Super Spiral curly fries in exactly 6 days. She definitely ate more of them than I did. However, I did my fair share.

fact: I got 9 hours of sleep last weekend due to a late night White Rock expedition followed by a long day in Maple Ridge which led to a late night homework expedition. It's Wednesday, and there is no catching up on sleep in sight.

fact: As much as the future freaks me out right now, I love my life as it currently is. These days of irresponsible eating and random adventures won't last forever, but I'm sure enjoying them while they're here.

so good.

2007-01-20T23:04:00.000-08:00

"My thoughts and feelings seem to be getting more and more like the Old Testament, and no wonder, I have been reading it much more than the New for the last few months. It is only when one knows the ineffability of the Name of God that one can utter the name of Jesus Christ. It is only when one loves life and the earth so much that without them everything would be gone, that one can believe in the resurrection and a new world. It is only when one submits to the law that one can speak of grace, and only when one sees the anger and wrath of God hanging like grim realities over the head of one's enemies that one can know something of what it means to love them and forgive them. I don't think it is Christian to want get to the New Testament too soon and too directly."

from Letters and Papers from Prison by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

These days, I just can't read enough.

2007-01-16T00:59:00.000-08:00

just when I was starting to feel like I knew what was going on.

apparently I don't. at all.

good thing God's in charge.

party hardy

2007-01-12T17:41:00.000-08:00

yeah! It's friday night! I'm young, I'm hip, I should go out... right?

Not so much. I have a killer headcold. I parked myself on this couch at noon after school today and don't intend to leave for at least another 24 hours.

However, I'm starting to get bored. We finished the third season of the oc today (an initial indicator of previous boredom) and have done lots of snacking (although its less fun when you're nauseous) and now I'm looking into a boring and pathetic evening of watching lame friday night tv. I might actually start doing some homework. Yeah. Homework. I'm that cool.

Sick sucks.

In the bleak mid-winter

2007-01-07T13:44:00.000-08:00

In the bleak mid-winter frosty wind made moan
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,
In the bleak mid-winter long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold him nor earth sustain
Heaven and earth shall flee away when he comes to reign
In the bleak mid-winter a stable place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty Jesus Christ

Angeles and archangels may have gathered there
Cherubim and Seraphim thronged the air;
But only his mother in her maiden bliss
Worshipped the Beloved with a kiss.

What can I give him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd I would bring a lamb
If I were a Wise Man I would do my part,
Yet what I can I give him, give my heart.

This is a song that I had never heard before this year, and now it has shown up in four completely separate contexts in the last couple months, most recently today at church.

I've been reading all sorts of stuff in the last couple of weeks - Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller, Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman, Alternative Worship by Johnny Baker, and now I'm almost finished Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. I also re-read a zine I bought in the summer called fat is beautiful, a collection of feminist writings bemoaning 'the men' and the way 'they' determine how we should look and what is attractive, and whatnot.

As you might guess, my reflecting on all of this stuff has been rather fragmented; it's a lot of stuff to process individually, much less integrate into any sort of theme.

I really love knowledge; I love working to understand history and philosophy and theology. But I know that sometimes I get lost in all of that and forget about where my heart needs to be. Singing the last verse of this song, however, I was reminded of how much my heart needs to be given to God daily, of how I need to be spending time on my knees in His presence, and how I need to reaching up to hold onto His hand.

In 2007, I hope to continue on my journey toward the heart of Christ.
Today at the liturgical service at Bakerview, celebrating epiphany, this was the prayer of confession:

O God of the Bethlehem star,
the Magi sought Christ
simple to worship him.
We confess that our motives
in seeking Jesus
are not always pure.
We do not come simply to worship:
We so often come to Christ,
asking for his benefits,
with our own agenda,
with our many petitions
for not-so-important requests
that we heap before him.

But the Magi sought first the kingdom.
Help us, O God, to follow their example,
worshipping the Christ in love,
content to be in your presence,
and laying our gifts before you.

To your name, Lord Jesus,
help us to bow the knee
and all its worshipping,
bow the head
and all its thinking
bow the will
and all its choosing
bow the heart
and all its loving.
Amen.

and would you believe I've been reading some feminist prose...

2007-01-06T01:08:00.000-08:00

Tonight, after yummy pho and an IKEA visit, we rented Mansfield Park, a screen adaptation of the Jane Austen novel.

I love Jane Austen. I love Emma, I love Pride and Prejudice, I love Sense and Sensibility, and I love Mansfield Park.

All those noble men and petty misunderstandings and pretty dresses and underdog women winning out in the end. Why is my life not a Jane Austen story?

less than nine hours

2006-12-31T15:11:00.000-08:00

...till 2007.

This year will kick butt for the following reasons:

- I will get a Bachelor's degree. In basket weaving. But a degree nonetheless.
- I will spend two months backpacking around Europe.
- I might go to Portland (to see Donald?).
- I might go to Manitoba (to see Dana, and maybe some family).

That's it. These are the only things I am anticipating in 2007. The first six months are pretty well accounted for, but after that... no one knows.

And right now I feel pretty excited about it.

I hate my computer

2006-12-30T16:21:00.000-08:00

It just sucks so much. It takes up to ten minutes to load explorer, and several minutes to load each time I click on a new link. Email? I start Outlook and go take a shower or make a meal or something. At least 20 minutes. It needs more memory, and now today the touchpad thingy is all messed up. Currently I am using Liz's computer to post about how much I hate my computer, every now and then shooting vengeful glares over at my own piece of junk.

I asked to get it fixed for Christmas, and instead I got a coffeemaker and a fondue pot. I will now go make coffee.

2006-12-27T22:59:00.000-08:00

so I haven't posted all week. you understand, obviously, it was Christmas and all. and I've been in a house that has a dvd player. and all.

I am 20 pages away from finishing Donald Miller's through painted deserts. I've owned it for almost a year, ever since we snuck into trinity last year to see him speak and I bought it and two of his other books and he signed them all 'with love'.

So anyway, I took a break from reading because I was drinking hot chocolate while I read and it was pretty pathetic hot chocolate (carnation dark chocolate... you'd think it would have sucked less) and I decided that when don and I are married one day I'll want to make really good hot chocolate for us to drink as we read and discuss interesting things and so I googled some recipes. I didn't decide on any one, but I got lots of ideas and I feel that from now on I will be capable of making don fall in love with me by making him hot chocolate at any time. this is good, because in the book he keeps talking about how beautiful this one girl is, and even though these events took place like ten years ago, it still kind of ticks me off for him to be talking that way.

Also I have been contemplating taking a trip to Portland on reading break. It would be cooler if we had a vw van like don and paul did, but my hyundai will probably be okay too.

Anyone up for a roadtrip?

oh Christmas tree

2006-12-19T16:21:00.000-08:00

that tree cost $3.50 at a thrift store in Chilliwack, and all its decorations are donated from Liz's mom. Also, it might actually be my favouritest tree in the world.

three hours, baby

2006-12-19T00:13:00.000-08:00

That's right. I left my home at 1:30 today and returned at 4:30, with all of my Christmas shopping done. I did all my Christmas shopping in three hours, in Abbotsford. It's because I rule that much. And I have to say, I'm very excited about each of my gifts.

Almost as good as buying presents is wrapping them, and I would like to say that I am particularly proud of my wrapping job this year. They all match. And they look oh-so-pretty together under my tree. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and everytime I look at them I smile.

Oh yeah, and I made homemade gift cards. I love Christmas.

enough serious stuff - let's party!

2006-12-16T12:32:00.000-08:00

Last night Liz and I had some friends over for turkey dinner. I'm not too sure how the idea came up. We have never yet actually had a housewarming party, so we thought we would have a Christmas party and then one of us had the hairbrained idea that we should make turkey dinner. So we did. We invited a few people that were still in Abbotsford even though exams are over, and told them to bring a sidedish and something to drink.

Now, our kitchen is about the size of your average bathroom stall, and we proudly own one small saucepan and one small frying pan, so we're not exactly equipped to be pulling off turkey with all the fixings. Not to worry, we bought a Butterball and some extra stuffing (Calm down all you organic-turkey-with-Martha-style-stuffing-from-scratch-Maple-Ridge-women. When I have your resources I fully intend to be like you.) and some disposable tin containers. I put the turkey in at 11am yesterday and faithfully tended to it all afternoon, while cleaning up my place and hanging pictures and finishing Christmas decorating.

I only had to phone my mom once, in order to get her input on how to best prepare the dry stuffing that we had bought that for some reason did not come with directions. Other than that, I figured it all out by myself. Here is a picture of Adam carving our blessed bird. It tasted very, very good.

At one point in the afternoon liz came home from work and announced that our building seemed to be having a Christmas party in the lobby. Cool. So all our guests had to brave walking right through the old people gift exchange in order to get to our hip and happening party. It was pretty funny actually.

So anyway, we had a total of 11 people in our little apartment last night, enjoying turkey, stuffing, potatoes, salad, buns, and nanaimo bars, two kinds of pie, and ice cream cake for dessert (liz had a 50% off coupon for ice cream cake that expired yesterday... so why not?).

By all accounts, it was a good time.

dis-closure

2006-12-15T08:53:00.000-08:00

Do you ever roll your eyes at those cheesy tv shows where there are like three simultaneous story lines that all end up being about the same thing? Medical dramas are especially bad for this; the patient's afflictions are forever revealing insights about the doctor's personal lives. I usually think it's pretty lame, but this morning I was reflecting that that's a little bit what my life has been like this week. Everything keeps coming down to disclosure and communication and honesty, and it's coming down on both sides. In some situations I should have said a lot less, and in others it might have been helpful to say more. Sometimes I think if I just disclose enough, no one can blame me for anything, like my intentions will always validate my actions. They don't necessarily do so. Disclosing everything won't fix everything. Especially when your disclosure is misinterpreted. Or used against you. Boo-urns.

Nonetheless, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try again.

If not now, then when?

2006-12-12T01:24:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about depression lately. Maybe it's because I've been off meds for a whole year now. Maybe it's because Christmas reminds me of some of the worst times of my depression. Or maybe it's because I marked off five days in a row on my calendar last week. That's definitely the longest run of "bad days" I've had since being off meds. They were bad days, but I knew they would be short lived. I knew that once my papers got under control, once the pressure lifted, I would feel a lot better. I knew they were short lived because they hurt so much, in this sharp-edged, tear-filled sort of way. They were different from the days of dull numbness, the appearance that all the colour has been sucked out of everything, the way everything, physically, emotionally, spiritually, seems to be contracting, pulling away from you and threatening to consume you at the same time. They were discouraging, but they were not hopeless. I have not felt hopeless in a long time, but I feel like the marks are still there, unseen scars.

I feel like I have spent most of this semester on the verge of tears. Mostly, I have wanted to cry when I think of how much my time at CBC has meant to me. When I think of how dear these people have become to me, how much I am indebted to their grace with me. When I think of how much I am indebted to God's grace, a debt I can't ever repay. When I think of how far God has brought me, how far out of the slimy pit he has lifted me. And even in the days when I have felt unconsolably lonely, or discouraged or just sad, I have cried, and it has felt so good, because for so long I felt like I was beyond tears.

But then I read Renee Altson's book (stumbling toward faith) and her blog, and I wonder who I am to have it so good. Who am I to have parents who love me? Who am I to grow up in a church, while not perfect, that supported me and loved me and treated me with dignity? Who am I to be healed from depression, even for a season? Who am I to try to differentiate between depression and the normal rise and fall of human emotions? Who am I to act like my depression is anything worth talking about? I don't really know anything about any of it.

Today I was wondering why God would come and then leave again, leaving so much work unfinished. Why not be the Messiah the Jews were expecting? Why not bring about political and social reform? Why not bring justice and restoration? Why are we still waiting, with our aches and pains and longings? Why this long, 2000+ year advent?

I just don't know. And I'm devastated and glad about it all at the same time.

My mom would be horrified that I'm sharing this. Maybe it is inappropriate. But I keep thinking that you can only expect people to know you as well as you let them. And I think that to be known is what we each long for, in one way or another.

So here's to being open, as Adam might call it, and hoping that it's not too scary to talk about.

coming home

2006-12-09T16:37:00.000-08:00

"But there are many other voices, voices that are loud, full of promises and very seductive. These voices say, "Go out and prove that you are worth something." Soon after Jesus had heard the voice calling him the Beloved, he was led to the desert to hear those others voices. They told him to prove that he was worth love in being successful, popular, and powerful. Those same voices are not unfamiliar to me. They are always there and, always, they reach into those inner places where I question my own goodness and doubt my self-worth. They suggest that I am not going to be loved without my having earned it through determined efforts and hard work. They want me to prove to myself and others that I am worth being loved and they keep pushing me to do everything possible to gain acceptance. They deny loudly that love is a totally free gift. I leave home every time I lose faith in the voice that calls me the Beloved and follow the voices that offer a great variety of ways to win the love I so much desire."

From The Return Of The Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen

oh, the shame

2006-12-08T15:40:00.000-08:00

here is a tale of woe:

I am about to hand in my final paper of the semester. It was due Monday, was meant to be a 15 page case study, using at least 6 sources from outside class material. It is getting handed in on Friday (just before the 4:30 semester cutoff deadline), about 8 pages, using no sources outside of class material.

It is worth 30% of my mark. I think I would give myself about 4-5 marks for what I am handing in.

Now, admittedly, this is the martyr paper. After a few days (or weeks) of not doing anything, I had to prioritize what was left to do and what needed to be done most. I sacrificed this paper so that my other courses might sustain significantly less damage.

So my mark in the course will go from about 84% to about 60%. It hurts.

But on the other hand, I'm done. Woot.

glamour and bright lights

2006-12-07T17:10:00.000-08:00

days to graduation: 135
days to europe: approx. 136
days to Christmas: 18
presents purchased: 0
presents planned: 0

class presentations in the last 2 days: 3
papers left to finish: 1 (oh the shame)
exams next week: 2
hours of sleep I got last night: 2.5
hours until I have to go to the CBC Christmas Banquet: 1

who loves wearing a dress, kids?
who loves dressing up on 2 hours of sleep, kids?
who loves taking cheesy pictures and eating overpriced food wearing a dress with only 2 hours of sleep while first years flirt shamelessly, kids?

it's going to be okay. it really is.

Soon this will all be but a distant memory

2006-12-05T13:57:00.000-08:00

The stress, frustration, and utter defeat of the last week of classes is causing my left eye to start twitching a lot, and this morning I was so tired that I had a dizzy spell and couldn't walk straight.

School is turning me into a circus freak.

Also I have some bruising on my left side, and my knee is messed up, because I bailed hardcore-style on some black ice in the parking lot at school.

This week, I'm falling on my ass literally and figuratively.

I'm so embodied.

2006-12-02T14:37:00.000-08:00

it turns out my car needs a new alternator. i don't even remotely have an excuse to be bummed about it because my mom handed the guy her credit card as soon as he named the price.

my mom KICKS ASS.

especially since she drove out to Abbotsford for 8am this morning and when she got there she didn't know the buzzer number at my apartment (for some reason it's still not posted) and I wasn't answering my phone cause I was still in bed. Liz finally knocked on my door and said "Heather, is that your mom throwing snowballs at our windows?"

indeed it was. now I am at my parents's house, doing my laundry for free and playing their piano (which is dusty because no one else plays it) and eating their food.

and more than that, it just feels good to be in a place where I belong, where I know I'm taken care of and loved. I've been missing that, and while tomorrow I have to go back to Abbotsford and be a grown up again, for now I can just sit here and enjoy everything familiar and warm and comforting.

this is advent - longing for home, longing for fulfillment of promises and hopes and dreams, longing for Christ. Right now, for a moment, it feels like Christmas.

why am I up right now?

2006-11-29T02:44:00.000-08:00

nobody knows. but let me tell you about my day.

I awoke at 8 to the sound of Liz announcing that classes were once again cancelled. I rolled over and went back to sleep for another couple of hours, got up, went to school for a group meeting I knew would not be cancelled and also some work in the office. About 3 hours later I went back to the parking lot to find that I had left my lights on, and my car battery was dead. Liz called a friend whose car was parked close and we got a jump, drove around a little and then went home.

We napped on the couches all afternoon (I should mention that I have not done one minute of homework since the snow hit the ground). At about 6 I told liz it was time we went to school for some dinner. We hopped in my car which thankfully started. We went to the gas station, and I filled it up. Then we headed toward school. We were half a block away when the engine pretty much just turned itself off. Yup. Just stopped working. I managed to roll into a parking lot, and a girl who goes to my school obliged to help us jump the car, but after trying to twice, it just would not hold a charge. My car is still parked there.

We walked the rest of the way to school, having missed the cafeteria dinner time by 5 minutes, and I realized I had not yet done powerpoint for Vespers. Airhead. Who are you? So I went and did that, made some more changes to the set, and went and sought out someone to open the teaching building for me to do vespers.

Vespers was great.

Afterwards, I realized it was 10:30 and I still had not eaten dinner, but some people were going over to someone's house to watch Superman Returns, and I didn't want to miss out on that, so we went, and ordered pizza while we were there. I tried Granville Island Lions' WinterAle for the first time. It will not be the last.

The movie finished somewhere around 2am. We walked home in the -10C weather. We're hardcore. Now we're sitting here on our computers drinking the one beer that was left in our fridge.

And we have class in 5 hours.

Woot.

keen on snow

2006-11-27T12:54:00.000-08:00

or, Liz and Heather's Winter Adventure

So you may have noticed that there is a lot of snow outside. That is all well and good, but yesterday we had stuff to do. We needed to return the keyboard that Michelle and I rented for her dad's wedding, and I needed to take advantage of Liz's employee discount sale on sweats at Roots.

So Liz and I got in my car, planning to go pick up Michelle and go do our errands. We did get out of the driveway. We promptly re-entered the driveway. We're not that stupid.

Michelle called Tom Lee, and they were okay with us not returning the keyboard, but I definitely wanted to save 50% on some Roots sweats. So we did what any self-respecting college students would do. We walked through the snow to save money on clothes.

Now, being college students, neither of us owns gloves, and I do not own boots either. But we put on our jackets and hats and headed out.

It was a little crazy out there. I mean, people suck at driving in the snow. PLEASE NOTE: spinning your tires in the snow will not help - it just creates more ice. Also, driving fast in the snow in your SUV does not make you cool. It makes you an idiot.

We made it to the mall in one piece, brushed the snow off each other, stuffed our snow stuff and backpacks in a locker and grabbed some lunch at A&W. Then we went to the dollar store (we finally own measuring cups!!), Roots, and Extra Foods.

With new sweats, craft supplies, and groceries in our backpacks, we headed into the now darkening blizzard, and started towards home. DRIVERS PLEASE NOTE: it's a poor idea to drive around without clearing any snow off your car. It's a poor idea to talk on your cell phone in your car in the snow. It's a poor idea to run red lights when you totally could have stopped if you hadn't been talking on your cell phone. Snow is not a license to run red lights at freaking South Fraser & Gladwin. Honestly.

On the way home, I talked Liz into making a snow angel on a car at a dealership we passed. Also, at one point I was obnoxiously singing Winter Wonderland until Liz came up from behind and facewashed me. I let out a blood-curdling scream and then kept singing. I felt good about it.

Now, you may remember that I did not have boots in which to walk to the mall. I wore my Keen Bronx shoes. Some of you have heard me talk about how much I love my Keens. Well let me tell you kids. My feet were warm and dry, even after trudging through a foot of snow for half an hour each way. Yup. I love my Keens.

Snow is a good time.

rockin' the suburbs (and the city)

2006-11-20T14:35:00.000-08:00

This is long, but I think it's worth it.

Friday I went to Michelle's stepmom-to-be's stagette in Chilliwack. It was slightly odd to be hanging out with a bunch of middleaged women that I don't know too well, but we got to eat at Earl's and later we watched one woman placing her sister's brass animal ornaments in inappropriate positions, which was pretty funny. Overall, a good night. And a late night. I didn't get home till almost 2.

Saturday I slept till noon, got up and got ready and headed out to Maple Ridge, as I was leading worship at Burnett while their worship pastor, Greg, is on a missions trip. I arrived there at 4 to find that the stage had been totally cleared, something that usually doesn't happen, and certainly something I had not left time to fix. No worries, Helen and I started putting stuff back together right away.

By 5:00 we were practicing in a manner of speaking, although we were missing an electric guitar player (he got in a car accident in the yukon, we're just glad he's gonna be okay), one of our vocalists, a piano player, and a drummer. By 5:10, I decided to go phone a few people, located the vocalist and the piano player, but no drummer. I couldn't find his phone number.

By now it's 5:30, we're starting a service in one hour and we don't know where our drummer is, and since he is only playing saturday night service, he wasn't at thursday rehearsal, and so has no idea what we're doing. I decide that there are a couple songs in the set that cannot be pulled off without drums, and get permission to change the set. As I'm handing out new chord charts, the drummer walks in the door. "Sorry, I couldn't get out of work till now" And you've never heard of a phone? Whatever, let's play. So I began to play, as does everyone else, except the drummer, since apparently not everything with the drums has been put back together properly. This is what happens when you insist on having 9 mics on one drumset. Nobody wins. But I don't have time to fix it, the rest of the band deserves to know what we're going to play, so I persevere through, the drummer participating intermittently between consultations with a bewildered-looking soundguy. We get off the stage just in time to go to the back and pray before the service starts.

By now I've got a fair amount of adrenaline going on, and I'm having a lot of fun thinking about how stressed and upset Greg would be if he were here. So I tell my team, "hey, let's have some fun!" and we go play. And we did.

We had fun when the piano player forgot the piano riff for "Indescribable" and I had to sing it to him before he could start it.

We had fun when I accidentally skipped the first song after the announcements. And when the Powerpoint lady, who apparently has not done powerpoint much in the past sat there and looked panicked until someone could run across the room and show her that she needed to just push the down key a bunch of times to skip the song that I had skipped.

We had fun when, as communion was being passed out, I tried to indicate that we were about to repeat the chorus by calling out the first line of the chorus "so we stand..." and people started standing up, bread and juice in hand, awkwardly trying to negotiate passing the trays around while standing. One guy at the back had his newborn baby in one hand and a communion cup in the other and was awkwardly even trying to raise his hands in worship. I had to look away.

The whole thing was pretty hilarious from my vantage point, at least.

After church I went with Mike and Linds to see The Queen, an interesting film about the monarchy in Britain, and how they handled Princess Diana's death. I commented afterwards that it had taken me about half the movie to figure out that these people are part of my heritage, as I am 1/2 British, although I generally identify myself as a Mennonite, seeing as I have the name and I live in Abbotsford and all. Mike countered by saying that it took him half the movie to realize that "that's the queen that's on our money. She's a big deal!" This is why I'm friends with him.

Sunday morning church went significantly better, although by the end of the second service it was like a million degrees on the stage and I honestly was wondering whether I might pass out. I didn't. Also, a good time was when, during the sermon in the first service, I talked Linds into going head first through this chute that is sitting in the backstage room, apparently a prop for the Christmas production. I honestly thought she was going to a) get stuck and then we'd have to call the fire department or b) go shooting right through the door in front of it onto the stage and take out Pastor Steve while he was preaching. She did neither, but it was still funny. And then we went to the Frogstone Grill for lunch, and I had a Spicy Szechuan Blanket, and it tasted wonderful.

In the evening, Mike took me to my first-ever hockey game. And it was not just someone's brother playing at twin rinks. It was the Canucks game. Yup. I have never experienced anything like it.

Highlights they won't give you on Sportsnet:

1. Introducing the players. As these guys in big suits and skates with sticks float out onto the ice, the DJ is playing... "Where the Streets Have No Name". Just the intro part. I could not believe it. Mike said he had thought of telling me about this beforehand, but thought I should just experience it for myself. WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME. Come on, guys, that's funny. Still haven't found what you're looking for? Look to the Vancouver Canucks. I'm not going to try to tell you that it's a morally wrong song choice or anything like that, but I could not ignore what seemed to me like utter absurdity. I haven't laughed so hard in a long, long time. I'm still laughing now.

2. National Anthems. I don't know how to spell 'chach'. 'Choch?' Nobody knows. But this guy was unreal. I told Mike I felt like I was in an episode of the Simpson's. Any moment I was waiting for him to put up the guns, wink, and say 'hey'. Next time I sing the national anthem, I'm gonna sing it like that guy.

3. The Fight. Mike tells me that despite what you might hear, full fledged fights don't happen much in the NHL. Well I got to see one. See Mike's blog for some witty commentary from the drunk guys behind us. But I felt more akin to my Ancient Roman ancestors than I ever would have though possible. 18,000 people screaming for these guys to take each other out. And I got right in there screaming with the rest of them. Hey, it's not like they're gonna die. And they get paid more than the doctors who will fix them up, so who cares? Our society is utterly fascinating.

4. Oh yeah, the hockey. Come on, clearly the musical bits and social observations are what stands out the most to me. But I will say that I definitely enjoy hockey better without the commentator yammering on the whole time. And with Mike's help, I generally understood what was going on. Not only that, but when the third period ended, I was surprised and even disappointed that it was over. It really was a lot of fun!

bad things have happened

2006-11-16T00:20:00.000-08:00

I love sleeping on the couch. In the old days, when I lived in Maple Ridge, I would spend almost every Sunday afternoon sleeping on the couch with a movie playing. I would pull a few of the extra blankets out from behind the armchair in the family room and bundle up and just doze right until dinnertime. It was divine.

In Abbotsford, this habit has resurfaced, not so much on Sunday afternoons as every chance I get. Now that my couch is significantly closer to my bedroom, it is my fluffy duvet that I bundle up under for my 2-4 hour naps. Mmm, I love them.

My roommate loves this too. Often one of us will go and get our bedding and the other will follow suit, and we'll lie on our couches all evening, arguing about who should change the channel and who has more work they should be doing.

Thursday night, for no good reason, we decided to push the couches together and have a sleepover. We both slept till 11 the next morning. Well, what do a couple of college girls do at 11 on a holiday? They make scrambled eggs, crawl back into bed and turn on the tv. We didn't leave until it was dinnertime, when we got starbucks and mcdonald's drive thru and came home and finished watching pride and prejudice on liz's laptop (we don't have a dvd player).

So, that was all well and good for the holiday weekend. But last night, after Vespers and a late night visit to Boston Pizza, we decided it would be a good idea to watch the Prince and Me. We pushed the couches together. We watched the movie till 2am. We slept there.

That was cool, until my alarm went off 5 and a half hours later and we argued about who should go turn it off and then we had to go to class and life sucked.

It is now 12:33 and Liz is just finishing a paper before we start another movie. I'm not gonna lie to you folks, we're gonna end up sleeping on the couches again.

At this rate, we could let a couple more people move in.

five months and eight days

2006-11-13T01:41:00.000-08:00

i'm counting down. i can't help it. i was bored one day, about a month ago, and i worked out how many days there were until i graduated, and now i can't help but keep track.

just now i finished a ten-pager on jesus and women. one of the last major papers i will finish in my bachelor's degree. well, i'm almost finished. i've printed out a copy that i'll take a second look at tomorrow and do some touch-ups before i hand it in.

i have never, ever cried while writing a paper before. that's a lie. i've cried many, many times while writing papers, usually out of frustration because i couldn't make it say what i wanted to or i just wanted to go to bed or i just generally thought it wasn't good enough.

but the subject matter has never been the cause of my tears until this week. it was wednesday, and i was sitting in the library reading about jesus talking to the samaritan woman, about how samaritan women were deemed perpetually unclean and how women were just the property of men and couldn't own property or bear witness to anything or protect themselves from divorce or support themselves once they were divorced. they couldn't do anything on their own. and then jesus comes along and talks to these women like they're human beings, and tells them he is the resurrection and the life, and heals lepers and Gentiles and everyone that is hated by the moral majority. and jesus brought about the start of the kingdom of god, not by overthrowing political and social establishments, but by teaching us to subvert the powers that would seek to promote injustice.

and then all of a sudden there were tears streaming down my face in the middle of the public library, because jesus comes to the oppressed and devalued and neglected and without telling them to change, without guilting them to try to become something they're not, he gives them dignity and value and hope.

i just thought you'd want to know.

ahem...

2006-11-09T17:55:00.000-08:00

is this thing on?

good. I'm glad you can hear me.

At safeway, $10 buys the following:
-a head of lettuce
-a tomato
-cherry tomatoes
-a head of garlic
-a grapefruit
-2 cucumbers
-3 avocadoes

there is officially more produce in my apartment right now than there has ever been before.

tonight liz and i went to safeway to get tomatoes and pita bread and feta cheese for dinner... we've never gone food shopping together before. we spent more money than we planned to. we grilled some chicken breast and put it in the pitas with tomato, lettuce, feta, olives, and some salad dressing. yummy. super yummy. and we paired it with a yummy bottle of wine.

tomorrow I do not have to work, nor do I have to (or get to) meet with Nelson about Vespers. I intend to spend much time in front of the television.

It will be glorious.

There are many interesting thoughts percolating in my brain... I feel that very soon I will blog something monumental...

but not today.

dating tips from House

2006-11-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

"I don't care about colour, as long as they can help me breed a superior race!"

Keep your standards high, kids.

another social casualty

2006-11-01T20:57:00.000-08:00

Score one more for me.

I think the world might have been better off if I had been born mute.

For real.

Sometimes I swear there's a writer's room somewhere, a la Studio 60, full of scrubby thirty-something guys brainstorming about what kind of stupid things Heather should say next.

And of course, I can't just spread around the stupid-ness evenly. I'm sure all of you have experienced it at one point or another, but there are some who always seem to be the victims of my stupid mouth. One such person happened to sit down at the table where I was sitting at lunch today.

Not to talk to me.

If I were him, I wouldn't want to talk to me either, seeing as I'm pretty sure he's never heard me say anything that wasn't stupid and/or shallow. That's not quite true, but the more I reflect on it, the more stupid things I can think of that I've said in his presence. It's like once you become aware of the pattern, then you just become more tense and it gets worse and you can't just shake it off anymore. Anyway, knowing there was a good chance I would fumble again, but not wanting to come off as an untalkative snob, I threw a comment into the conversation, which I hoped would come off as good-natured and inclusive.

Not so much.

I'm pretty sure I managed to insult him and imply my own self-importance in one fell swoop.

Sweet.

Why be cool when you can be a narcissistic witch?

I'm taking a vow of silence. Forever.